Pardon the poor grammar of the blog title. The proper “Nice guys are not hired” or “Nobody hires nice guys” sounded too soft. I want to relay the harshness of the reality with language just as harsh. Being proper does not always get the job done, just as nice guys don’t always get hired. It confuses most people.
I had a client Josh, who was a nice guy. Everybody thought Josh should be able to get a job because he is a really nice guy. He has such a wide variety of skills one would think he would be hired quickly. When he came to me he said “I don’t understand why nobody wants to hire me? I’ve been unemployed for 18 months and have almost landed 4 jobs, but it seems I’m always the runner up. I do a good job and don’t ask for much. ”
I replied, “There is your problem. You are not asking for anything. You are too nice. You are probably not telling people what you want to do and what you are good at.” Josh looked at me as if I was asking him to be immoral, as if I was asking him to ask for more than his fair share and to brag. That is not nice behavior for most people.
To many men this seems greedy and counterproductive. Years of modern social conditioning have led us to believe if you are nice and not pushy, you will be rewarded. In kindergarten if we were quiet and patient while waiting in line we were rewarded with praises and prizes. Parents often did the same. The pushy braggers were sent to the back of the line or pointed out to us as spoiled children. Advance 20 or 30 years and most men are still living by grade school ethics. (This is true for most areas of men’s lives.)
Most of us expect our bosses, superiors and hiring managers as well as spouses to naturally see the best in us and reward us for waiting our turn. This is what nice guys do. Rather think of what a hiring manager wants to hear. They want you to make it easy for them. Explain to them what you can do, why you are good at it and why it would be beneficial to hire you. When you do this well, you can ask for much because you ARE worth it and you have just proved it
So what became of Josh? In our first meeting I showed him how to see value in himself mainly through the DISC profile. Then we discussed how to communicate his value and patterns of success in terms an employer wants to hear. We just barely touched on the importance of being assertive (at the right time) in asking for fair compensation before our time was up. This was all he needed. In a brief email Josh thanked me for my coaching and apologized for not getting back to me sooner. The week after we met he started a series of interviews and was hired. He admitted it was hard to brag of his ability, but was thankful for the result.
Most people do not truly understand their value and are run over by life. They do not know they are being run over because they are unaware their value is being trampled on. They just think, “Guess it is not my turn yet. I’ll be nice and wait my turn.” Stop being nice. Start understanding yourself and the value you have to give. Start earning what you deserve.
