(3rd of 4 part series on how to find a career coach. Back to list of questions to ask.)

I recommend not directly asking if they have balls.  You can if you like.  But your coach needs them.  It is the metaphorical balls they need.  It should be easy to tell when you are out shopping.

Your coach needs to have ballsy edginess to them. (Yes ladies can have these balls. Shoot I’ve seen more women with balls than men of late.  That is another blog post.)

It’s the edginess that communicates I can do what others can not and I’m going to prove it.  The edginess is a positive confidence with challenging honesty.

Pansies do not make good coaches.  “Well that is pretty good…” is not what you want to hear when paying $125 or more an hour with hard-earned money.

You want to hear, “Improvement is needed here, here and here.  This is how we are going to do it.  I won’t let you turn into a wuss and back out.  We can do this.”

Here is another million dollar hint.

Listen to the order and frequency of the pronouns I/Me, You and We when the coach speaks.

Bad coaches say I a lot, You next and hardly ever say “we”.
Pretty good coaches say You, I and sometimes we.
Excellent obsessed coaches say you, we and sometimes I.

An excellent obsessed career coach identifies with their clients and is compelled to make a difference. That is why “we” is said the most by this type.  They believe it IS a team effort.

BTW: Team requires at least two people.

Enough said??

Here is a mistake rookies make.

A cocky attitude does not equate to having the goods. Maverick in the movie Top Gun had a cocky attitude… opps.. Goose is dead.

Epic fail.

I’m proud of Maverick. (As much as one can be of a fictional character). He unlike most people chose to learn from his failure. He did not wallow in his grief forever and become fearful by thinking he would kill somebody else if he started flying again.

Nothing is a failure if you learn the lesson pain has to offer.  Maverick turned epic failure into epic win!

Cocky attitude + I can do everything myself = Dead best friend.
Was change into
Confident attitude +  I can’t do everything myself = Kill shot on enemy.
Not
Wussy attitude + I can’t do anything right = Never flying again out of fear.

What happened to Maverick at the end of the movie? He became a Top Gun instructor… an excellent obsessed coach with the goods.

Don’t make this mistake either.

Misunderstanding can be easy.  Promise me you will not think there is one perfect personality that creates excellent coaches.

There are TONS! of excellent obsessed coaches with a mild manner exterior.  Some of the best absolutely abhor being in the spot light. They are creating space for you to shine.  Notice how it is creating space, not giving up their space. That is their gift to the world.  Take the gift if they offer it.

Only a cocky unconfident attitude says “No thank you. I have to create everything myself.”

Career coaches with balls make guarantees.  Thus you should ask…

Question 4: What guarantee do you offer?

Certification .

Certification does not mean an expert understands the real world.  I know a lot of legal secretaries who know the law better than lawyers.  Have you been practiced on by a medical professional who’s advice defies common sense?  You question their wisdom, but feel obligated to follow it because they are the certified expert.  Then they make you feel like it is your fault you are not ‘fixed’ when you followed their instructions.

Here is a story that explains it all.

In the movie “The Kings Speech” Lionel Logue a washed up actor, coaches soon to be King George VI on how to overcome stuttering. Mr. Logue has no formal training in speech therapy and can’t land a single acting gig.  Logue has success helping people other experts could not fix, and a huge well of proactive compassion.  Days before the coronation Albert “Bertie” and Lionel verbally hash out why there is a lack of progress.

Logue hits the heart of the real issue by tearing through the royal family and sarcastically ridiculing Bertie’s previous panel of medical experts. “They’re all idiots!” Enraged, Bertie lashes back “They’ve been knighted!”

“Makes it official then, doesn’t it?”  Bertie slowly sees for the first time a new perspective he is not the problem.

Good coaches cause you to see your challenges in a new way.  The best ones can do it because they once were you and have overcome the same challenge. Yes this is true for a life coach or career coach.

Street smarts checkmates certificates.

Certifications by themselves are book smarts in perfect world conditions.  What in this world is perfect? The true value you need to look for is a coach who knows the answers to questions books can never contain.  I have nothing against being certified.  It can cut years off the learning curve.  You be wary of any person who expects you to accept credentials as proof of their effectiveness.  So ask, “What makes you qualified?”  If they point to a certificate and smile, thank them kindly for the time and get thee out the door.

When a story appears of struggle, dedication and a commitment to helping you, you want to keep asking questions.  You might have found a winner.

Listen for WHY they are doing what they are doing.  I’ll take a green-horn coach who has their why is in the right place over someone with 10 years experience that believes their certification is self-evident.

Entitlement at any stage is contempt of performance… So you should also ask…

Question 3:  Do you have balls? (Posted: 10/27/11)

Career Coaches are all the rage. They are the latest career fashion accessory.  There is no shortage.  A google As with anything that comes in vogue (can you still say that word) knockoffs will appear. Since nobody wants to buy an expensive fake, here are some tips to find the real deal.

If you generalize these points when evaluating any expert you will save tens of thousands of dollars .

First you must understand, perhaps be reminded, there are three types to any profession.

• Those who do because it makes money.
• Those who do because it sounds fun.
• Those who do because they are compelled to, nearly obsessed with the topic.

You want the last type. If it isn’t obvious, here is why you want the obsessed. These types know all the ins and outs. They ‘have’ to know everything in their industry.  They are not satisfied with “that’ll do”.  They want to improve their system, always.

Here are the questions you should ask to find your excellent obsessed coach.
1. What mistakes have you made when coaching?
2. What makes you good? (To be posted 10/24/11)
4. Do you have balls? (To be posted 10/27/11)
3. What guarantee do you offer? (To be posted 11/1/11)

Some strings attached.

I’m giving away a copy of “Poke the Box” for free, even the shipping.  Just becomes a fan of my Facebook page. That is it! If you want to be extra kind answer the following question in the comment section below. I’ll give a special secret gift for the best answer.

What is the most creative (or round about) way you landed a job?

On April 18th (tax day) at 3pm PST, one fan by random will be picked for Seth’s book.  I’ll also choose the best answer of the question above. The winners will be contacted by Facebook. You can even ‘Like” the page, answer the question and unlike me after you win.

10 seconds of effort could get you a free book.
1 minute of effort might get you something extra good.

Step 1: Push this “Like” Button ->
Step 2 (Optional): Answer question in comments below.
Step 3 (Optional): Tell others using share buttons just below. (Of course I know it reduces your chances, but you might hear a good answer you can learn from.)

1. I hate to finish things.  This is the #1 bane of my life.  For example if I cook a meal, I don’t want to do the dishes.  If I do the dishes I don’t want to wash the last pot.  However I can start and think of more new things to start before breakfast than many people do in their entire life.
2. I didn’t grow tall until junior year in high school.
3. I once looked for dead people for fun.  In high school and college I was on the local county search and rescue team.
4. I love root beer.  I mean really love it.  If you give me a blind taste test I can correctly identify the following brands. Barq’s, Dad’s, A&W, IBC, Virgil’s, Fitz’s, Mug.
5. In college I went to the Olympic qualifiers for fencing.  (Then I blew out my knee)
6. I chose to major in Mathematics because I liked it, not because I was good at it.  I was one of the worst students in my class, but one the teachers favorites.  I just wanted to understand.  http://www.despair.com/in24x30prin.html
7. I flunked Writing 101 twice, before a teacher explained the secret to writing. He told me I didn’t have to care about the subject I was forced to write on, I only had to convincingly pretend.  I received an A+.
8. If I don’t like it, you can’t make me do it.  It isn’t about being stubborn and I’m choosing not to do it.  Rather I simply can’t find the energy to do it.  However if you convincingly show “why” I should like it, you won’t have to tell me how to do it.  I’ll figure it out. (Example above).  Oh this goes for rules too.
9. I see the individual blood cells running through the capillaries in my bad eye most of the time.  Sometimes even when my eye is closed.  It looks like translucent race cars driving the curves at the autobahn.
10. I’ve eaten the world’s hottest pepper, raw (401 times hotter than Tabasco).  I survived but my friend did not.  He cried and I laughed at him.  I unthinkingly rubbed my eye with my pepper eating hand.  Then I cried and he laughed at me.
11. My uvila is split down the center and looks like a snakes tongue.
12. I don’t own or watch TV.
13. My biggest fear is doing nothing.  This is probably the only reason I finish anything.
14. My favorite flower is an iris.  (Some smell like root beer)
15. Statistically there are less than 2,000,000 men in the US taller than me. (0.3%)
16. I am my parent’s favorite child.  They agree.  Nobody can argue the logic behind it.
17. In college I lived with 16 girls in one house.  Talk about an education.  Girls can be really really sneaky mean to each other.  I learned they go through 10x the toilet paper men do.  I also learned no matter how hard I try I’ll never be able to out give (gifts, compassion, love, help) the ‘average woman’.
18. I tried out to be the Oregon Duck in college.  I was told to be one of the best in tryouts, but too tall.  They didn’t want to make a special suit for me.
19. I often daydream of having a house with big chairs, and tall counter tops.
20. In a zombie apocalypse my two weapons of choice would be a sniper rifle and a machete/katana.  I don’t want get close to them and I don’t want to be caught reloading if they do get close.
21. I rarely feel hunger anymore. I’ve skipped so many meals and learned to ignore hunger in my stomach, I don’t feel it any more.  Instead I get sleepy and loose concentration.
22. Have you ever seen the movie “Yellow Submarine” with the Beatles?  That is what it is like in my head all the time.
23. I like to eat almost all my vegetables raw since I was a kid.  Sometime I will eat a head of lettuce like an ‘apple’.
24. I’m super proud to be from Oregon.  It doesn’t matter where I am in the world, when it rains I think of home and become a bit giddy.
25. I like to naps in the middle of the living room floor.  It is the perfect place for a 10 minute power nap. You can’t get so comfortable to want to sleep longer than 20 minutes.
26. Being me is the second best thing in the world.  Everyday it is a bit more exciting.  I feel lucky, inspired, and challenged by my friends/family and clients.  It could sound like a smarmy mouthful of unrealistic bliss, but it is true.  Hang out with me for a day if you don’t believe me.  You will see it.

What is something unique to  you?  Make a comment  or better yet blog on it and post the link below.

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Think of one thing you do that you don’t like. You know when you are in the midst of doing it you wonder “Why I’m I doing this again, when I know not to do it?” and you get mad at yourself.

That question you just asked yourself again IS the problem which allows you to fall into the same trap.

We try to rationalize out why we are behaving the undesired way in the moment of our wackiness. Just to note this wackiness I speak of is your normal everyday variety. It might hamper your effectiveness in some areas of your life, however you are able to generally function in society. Our hope is to out think the situation. It does make some sense as we do use our logic to solve many problems. However try this logic on. Can you rationally think out an irrational action in the midsts of being irrational. No and that is frustrating.

The worst is when we have tried to think out the problem in the past with no success. Now when the feeling/ crazy thought process comes along, we know from experience we can’t out think it, so we run. Some run to comfort. Others stew in their own poo and vow NEXT time they will fix themselves or not do it. However that is the future and you can’t control the future. But you can take action in the present.

Here is a technique I use to stop the destructive thought pattern. It is called “Objectifying my demons”.

When I first notice I’m behaving a way I don’t want to and feel the frustration rise up I say “YES!” (I’m not joking). I think with positive conviction “Here is an opportunity for growth.” Then I depersonalize whatever it is I’m doing. “It is NOT ME doing it.. it’s that thing I do sometimes. I’m actually not like that, so I better stop doing that now. I act this way.. (insert action you want)” The real magic is in not wasting one ounce of energy trying to understand why.

Think I’m crazy.. try it. Tell me what you think in the comment box below. I want to hear from you.

Gary at St. Louis World's Market (for the wine)

I enjoy getting surprise good news. The kind of where you want to drop everything and pay attention. I’m on Lewis Howes’ mailing list. If you don’t know, Lewis is the LinkedIn specialist. About once every 3 months the native St. Louisian hosts a “LinkedIn” networking party here in the land of the Arch. I was unaware of the party tonight and he kindly sent me a reminder, like any good social media expert would do. I was going to pass up on the party as I have been to the last 3 then I saw Gary Vaynerchuk would be speaking. All my plans changed and found myself magically ironing my shirt and taking a shower.

1 hour later in the truck, I’m driving, feeling like a 5th grade boy on the way to Disneyland and hoping Micky is as cool in person as he is in the cartoons

After about 2 hours of signing books Gary put down his pen, stood up on the chair and started off something like this. “After signing most of your book, it sounds like most of you know what my book is about, so I won’t talk about that. Instead I’ll tell you something nobody has asked me before….” And this is where it starts to get good. You felt like he was about to tell you secret nobody else did.

Gary begins to describe how many interviews he has done, from bloggers with 3 followers, to big name media outlets like Wired, yet none of them ask why the work “now” is highlighted on his book  Crush it!

See green "now"

Before he tells us the reason why, Gary conveys his astonishment several times, nobody asked him about the ‘now’. Like at good joke set up he makes us want to beg for the punch line and he drags it out a bit longer. He expands on his astonishment more talking about how it is so obvious yet nobody sees it. I being to wonder just how important is it. What does he see nobody else can.

“Because if I wrote this book two years ago it would be shit.”

That is the only quote I can remember word for word. He believe it too, and then he makes us believe it. For 30 minutes straight Gary talks on the power of social media and why now is one of THE most important times in the history of humanity. In a nutshell we have just become so connected that word of mouth now is more prevalent than any other form of advertizing. Relationships matter once again. But this time it is more powerful. The corollary being: Now it is easier than ever to start your own business.

Gary put it this way. 2 years ago a New York socialite could tell 50 of her friends about the next best restaurant the next day after visiting it. Today an introverted kid who lives in the basement of his parents can tell 10,000 people in 5 minutes. Word of mouth advertizing (good or bad) will reach farther than a Super Bowl advertisement. At least that is why Gary thinks Pepsi decided not to put in Super Bowl ad for the first time in 23 years

I’m going to give you a top list of points I took away from the talk.
1. Social media forces good customer service.
Why? Because everybody is watching and knows who you are. Gary equated it with living in a small town. In a small town you are not going to get all up on somebody at the local bar, because everybody is going to know what you did. In a New York club, nobody is going to care. Social media forces service and product providers to live in a ‘small town’, or else. The good news being if you take care of your customers, it will get around.

Amazon just bought Zappos.com. Gary proclaimed Jeff Bezos the smartest CEO ahead of Steve Jobs for this move. Why? Even though Zappos has price points above the average shoe store (online or not), they took care of their customers. People want to be taken care of. “Don’t like your shoes?…, return them at no cost”. Just call up the customer care person who sounds like a sweet grandmother. She will make everything better.

2. The cost to entry is near zero.
That is right. Near zero. Think about it. What are you advertizing costs if you rely on word of mouth? Nothing. The cost of building a website in near nothing. There are so so many web hosts that have automated systems you don’t need to hire a programmer, like two years ago.

3. We are at the tip of a long tail of a trend and there is more low lying fruit than most people think.
This Web 2.0.. err.. social media.. err ok really it IS the media now. Think of a brontosaurus whose tail and back are like an outline on a growth chart for a new industry. The tail is the start and the back being the exponential growth of the industry. There is a long long run up before the big growth happens. Again using Gary’s paraphrased words, “If this is a football game and the beginning is singing the national anthem, the singer is just getting out the shower before getting into the car to drive to the stadium.

4. You can niche in almost anything and succeed, because you are passionate about it and the next guy is not.
You don’t have to worry about somebody stealing your idea. The passion you bring to your idea is what is going to keep you up late at night working. The guy who steals the idea will not have the drive. With the zero entry fee, the small guy with good word of mouth can win. The zero entry fee can allow you to work smart. Smart is what used to cost you the big dollars. Now everybody can work smart.

So what is there to do? Hard work, lots of hard work. It is easier than ever before to start your own business, but it will require hard work. Don’t quit your day job. But the good news is you can now keep your day job and work a few hours at night. Before you had to work extra hard to make up for not being able to work as smart. Why not just work extra smart. Once again Mr. Crush It put it well. Imagine him taking on a voice of a scoffer..“Well Gary I don’t need to work hard, I just need to work smart.” Returning to his normal self “Yeah well I work smart and hard. Now what are you going to do?”

Go crush it.